She sat down on her windowsill and looked up at the night sky.
The stars shined.
The moon was full and bright.
She asked the planets to align, to show her a sign.
She begged for guidance.
Some kind of push in the right direction.
She prayed to God to cleanse her infections.
How did she end up back here? Once again, lost.
She walked through the fire so many times it no longer felt hot.
Unsure of herself, questioning her own thoughts.
Not sure what she learned from the lessons she was taught.
Unable to trust her own feelings, instincts or decisions as they so often took her down the wrong path.
At times she felt the divinity within her, she felt glimpses of peace and even when her heart was aching she could still laugh.
Her moments of joy were quickly followed by fear, anxiety and restlessness.
She was defective.
Her body was in shape, she was strong and healthy but her thoughts were toxic and her soul was tearing at the seams.
Disappointed in herself. She knew she was not the woman she should be.
Ruled by her earthly pleasures, possessions and vanity.
Consumed by her ego. Unable to let go. Not able to feel free.
Constantly searching for the love she did not feel for herself.
Thinking the answers are in one of her many spiritual books on the shelf.
Desperately seeking for the dad that never stayed in every man.
But just like her father, to stay was not in their plans.
She prayed to God to help her love her.
She knew that was the only way she will no longer suffer.
She looked up at the night sky and once again asked for a sign.
But this time she heard a voice whisper in her mind.
“Child of mine, the love you seek must first come from the inside.”